Big Brother

Along with my wife, J, I was a contestant on 'Big Brother'. The series had only just started, so there were a huge number of participants in a large complex of trendy buildings and gardens. I was only just getting to know some of them. I didn't see much of J., strangely enough, but was very excited that the viewers would see what I was doing, albeit in a heavily-edited form.

I got a laugh out of almost everybody I met by going from room to room shouting 'Bored, bored, bored, bored!' in a pastiche of Adrian Edmonson as Vyvian from 'The Young Ones'. I was sure this would make it into the broadcast programme and that I would become hugely popular as a result.

Unusually for 'Big Brother', we were allowed out for the occasional morning or afternoon, so J. and I decided to meet her father and drive him somewhere. I had spent some of the cash which seemed to have accompanied my new-found celebrity on an extremely old (1910s-30s) and small car. It had been reasonably well restored. However, we became lost and my attempts to find a shortcut through a Victorian sandstone building in pleasant suburban gardens failed when we kept encountering stairs. I found I could stick my foot out and lift the vehicle down sets of two or three steps, but longer flights meant we had to give up and find another way round.